Experiencing an Early Pregnancy Loss

Hey my dears. It's been a while since I've typed on this blog. In the months since I last posted, we've continued to settle into our house and making it our home, enjoy college football Saturdays, and have been over the moon with our Cubbies winning the World Series. We traveled the past two weekends to Chicago to see the Cubs in the World Series (and ended up snagging tickets to the great turn-around game 5!) and a great trip to Lake Tahoe, which have been good distractions from the heartbreak I'm sharing with you today.

It's been a few weeks now since I typed the words below and I'm at a place ready to share them. My purpose for sharing this is to help other mamas know they aren't alone. 

 - - - 

The words I'm typing today are sad and being the midst of it, I may not have the best way of sharing where my heart is at. But I will try. And please know, this is just my story - every woman feels different going through this, and that is okay! I do feel it's important to talk about and will help me process this season too. And, I pray it might somehow help others who have had a similar experience or may encounter it someday to know they aren't alone. 

So here it goes - I was pregnant, then very early on in the pregnancy, I experienced a miscarriage. It was confusing, scary and heartbreaking along with other emotions I'm still processing. Our emotions went from excitement from finding out we were expecting our first little babe, to a few days later becoming concerned when I experienced more bleeding and cramping than I felt was "normal". After monitoring my bloodwork a few times this past week, a midwife was able to confirm the news I was preparing myself to hear - that I did experience a miscarriage. 



Here's the story from the beginning: I had known I was pregnant before getting the positive pregnancy test because of my symptoms. I had the dizziness (I felt like I was sea sick), cravings, nausea, food aversions, had to pee every hour, bad headaches, sore breasts (I didn't expect that!) and all that. A pregnancy test confirmed for us after over a week of those symptoms that I was indeed pregnant. In that moment, the first time experiencing a positive pregnancy test, my mind jumped to thinking how our lives were about to change. Picturing a nursery in our home, calculating which times of year I'd be most pregnant, and yes, baby names started rolling through my mind as I daydreamed about what the next 9 months had in store. A few short days later though, I had a little spotting (which can be normal I read) but a few more days later, I had more bleeding with worsening cramping.  After I had been bleeding and cramping consistently for a day though friends, I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and my pregnancy symptoms were gone. It hit me right then, I told Nick as I crawled back into bed that I didn't feel pregnant anymore, and in my heart, I knew I was losing the pregnancy. A few short days later, a midwife's blood testing confirmed the news.  

I've shed tears as I came to understand that the would-be due date on June 14th will no longer bring us a baby, though I also know in my heart that my grief would likely be so much deeper had I been farther along in the pregnancy when it happened. I was just 6 weeks along, and we "knew" about the pregnancy for less than two weeks. The miscarriage was confirmed just one week to the day after we had the positive pregnancy test. 

I've talked with some of my best friends this week who have unfortunately experienced the same loss. Some were at 8 weeks and 12 weeks when they experienced their loss. To be honest, I believe in my heart that if I had spent 6 more weeks preparing and planning for this baby, my heart would be even more broken as it is today. And this is just me. It helps me to be honest with myself. Everyone in this position grieves differently, and the thing I've learned, is you have to allow yourself to feel sad when you feel sad - that's okay and healthy. I also know the husband and wife may grieve their loss differently too, and communication between us has been important to understand each other. 



I have also been so blessed by my friends this week. One friend talked to me for over an hour on Wednesday when I came home from work feeling scared with bleeding and cramping. We shared our stories, and she gave me advice. She also just listened and let me process it out loud. Oh how that was good for my heart. I'm a communicator and I need to talk things through to process them. Other sweet friends have been checking on me, messaging with me and helping me know it's okay to feel sad and grieve this loss. One sweet co-worker brought me this beautiful rose plant I plan to plant in our garden. I love that it's a perennial and would be so neat if I can help it keep growing. People coming alongside me in this have made me know all will be okay, and have helped the healing process so much. 

Telling my parents was a really hard thing. Let's be honest, as their only child, I had always dreamed of the joy of telling my parents they were going to be grandparents. I had even started looking online for the best ideas to share the good news with them. It broke my heart to fill them in on the sad news about our first pregnancy, but I knew they would want to know.  As much as I wanted to hold any news for the big day we had great news to share, this was part of our story now and I knew they would want to walk through it with us. Plus, I needed them as part of my support system too. God paints beautiful stories and I have learned through ups and downs in my life, that He is faithful, loving, and cares for me every minute of every day. I trust Him with our future and know He is good. 

I won't go into all of the details about the range of emotions at doctor appointments this week (because it was stressful and made this week even worse), however I will say that the first health provider I saw wasn't helpful or considerate, and I was so grateful for wise advice to seek another opinion to get answers. The first nurse practitioner didn't believe I was even pregnant which was very hurtful in the midst of my body telling me I was experiencing a miscarriage. 

I found a midwife at a different practice that was so loving, compassionate, and patient. My heart needed someone who was an expert in this area, to walk me through this and help me understand what my body had going on. After running blood tests to see how my hCG level was changing, she was able to confirm for me that I was pregnant and did experience a miscarriage a few short weeks after the fertilization happened. She had a patient sweet way about her, sweeping me under her wing to say she's on my side and help me know how to move forward. She also reassured me that it happens in 10-20% of pregnancies and that it doesn't increase the chances if it happening again. She also helped me get some closure about what happened so we could begin to move forward. 

This is one of the few photos of me while I was actually pregnant and it is a sweet reminder if the teeny tiny life that existed for a few weeks. Of course, I wasn't showing a baby bump of any kind that early, but knowing he or she was there in this photo is a neat thing. 

- - -

Now that a few more weeks have passed since I wrote the words above, I will be honest to say there are tough moments of seeing families with lots of kids, and thinking of so many mamas where each pregnancy has seemed to lead to a healthy baby. I am truly happy for others sharing their pregnancy announcements for example, yet also in my heart, I feel the tinge of sadness, knowing that would have been my announcement soon if I were still carrying the baby. Thinking "why couldn't my first pregnancy have been successful", and praying to not let worries about not being able to carry a pregnancy successfully take hold in my mind. I know the enemy wants to take any joys in the future about this season of life away, and we will combat it with God.  

I remembered a few years ago when I learned about the Bates family, that Erin Paine had troubles with miscarriages. I looked into her story again recently, and found comfort in how she walked through that season of life. Soon after getting married, she experienced 3 heartbreaking miscarriages. Then, they realized she had a blood clotting disorder and treated her before and during her next pregnancies, and she has two healthy babies now. Also learning about miscarriages in my birth mother's family somehow brought comfort for me to not worry, knowing they had healthy babies after their losses. So all of these things have brought me reassurance to not worry. I'm so grateful to others who have bravely shared their stories. They have been healing words to my heart, truly. 

Lastly, I also reflect back to the Sunday night a few weeks ago when I laid in bed in tears, feeling so sad about the loss of our first pregnancy, wishing the little baby was still growing inside me. One week later to the minute, we sat inside of Wrigley stadium, and cheered on our Cubbies as they won their first World Series game at Wrigley since 1945. It was the game they turned around the series and went on to win the first WS since 1908 (as I'm sure you've heard ;)). In those moments, even though it might sound silly, I was truly reminded that the Lord knows the desires of our hearts and has the best plans for us. I'm grateful I could feel His presence telling me everything is going to be okay. 

Hugs and love to you mamas who have walked this path before. It's many more of you than I would have thought, and I thank you for sharing your hearts and how you walked through it too. I am SO grateful for you all and pray over each of you who read these words. 

Today's Pinspiration:

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Beautiful Redemption

As many of you know, my birth mother passed away earlier this month after a 15-month battle with brain cancer. I had emailed with her over the past 5 years and was blessed to have met her and her son last September. I got to tell her the words I had longed to tell her my whole life, "thank you". I thanked her for giving me life and making a brave decision for me at a young age. I blogged about meeting her in this post. I'm beyond thankful that Nick and I were able to be with her family at her visitation and funeral. Getting to know them, learning more about the impact Julie made on the world, seeing so many photos of her life, it all was so healing for my soul. 

It may be hard to understand if you aren't adopted, but there is just a feeling many adoptees have of not fitting in, "being abandoned" to put it harshly, or left behind in some way. I'm thankful to have great loving parents, but I did have some of those feelings growing up too. NOT that it was anyone's fault at all, it was just there in the background. I came to know Christ in college and felt so much more at peace knowing God had been there ALL along and that I was never alone, and all of the ups and downs would serve a purpose for Him. Being with Julie's family that week though, and feeling how accepted I was into their family, was so redeeming for me. They even listed me as one one of her children in her obituary and had me sit with her kids during her celebration of life service. I'm still in awe and can never explain how amazing it felt to have that honor. To have her rights eliminated when I was born, yet to be called her child in the end is such a beautiful picture of redemption of that little life. I'm SO grateful for their love and kindness, which I can only imagine is an expression of Julie's heart. 

Fun similarities:

• Our faces. Seeing pictures of when she was younger had me in AWE. We look so similar in some photos! I love it. I have literally grown up my whole life wanting to see someone to looks like me:) She's right there!

• We both have step-dads named Joe
• She was a elementary school counselor --> My internship in college was counseling, and I had some school counseling experience in that internship. 
• She was in Girl Scouts and was a troop leader for a very long time (13 years I think?) --> I was working for the Girl Scouts when we started emailing a few years ago. 
• She named her kids Alyssa and Michael. Many people think it's neat that my name (which Julie didn't know until we emailed a few years ago) kind of combines their names. 
• Her sister taught at my elementary school. We may have passed each other in the hallway. How wild to think of that!
• I grew up in the Des Moines area, and got married in Ankeny (Iowa) --> Julie grew up in Ankeny and got married in Des Moines. 
• Talking to one of her friends at the visitation, we realized (stay with me here) my manager at a retail store in MN a few years ago is one of Julie's good friend's sister. Woah! That was fun to realize. 

This is one of my favorite pictures from our time there. (Nick, me;), Alyssa, Michael, Julie's husband Scott, Julie's sister Amy). {Apparently, I got the short gene!:)}

I also learned that Scott actually dated Julie while she was pregnant with me. So it was neat to realize that he's known me from the beginning too! 

During the slideshow with photos and memories of her at the visitation, I kept nudging Nick when I saw pictures where I could see my face in Julie's. I could see myself in her wedding photos so much! 

A fun selfie with Nick, Alyssa, Michael and their cousin:)

Alyssa, Michael, myself and Nick

The girls - Julie's sister, Amy and (my "half" sister:)) Alyssa. They both have been so sweet and loving to me as we've gotten to know each other. I cherish these girls! 

Love her - she went above and beyond to welcome us and help be sure we felt comfortable and included. I wish we lived closer together! I pray the Lord continues knitting our hearts together.

We also got to go out on Julie & her family's boat on the lake they live on. She had told me how much she enjoyed it in our emails over the years, and being able to be in her house and on her boat with her family, was really incredible. What a beautiful place too!

 Y'all know how I love my dogchild, and meeting Julie's was so neat too. I loved petting her, loving on her as I know Julie did so much. 

I could get used to boat time on that lake! It was such good casual time too, to share stories and get to know her family more. It all was so good for my soul to know Julie, hear about the difference she made on lives and the community around her, and get to know the people she surrounded herself with. It challenged me to reflect on the difference I'm making, and the purpose I'm serving in this one life. I'll always wish I had more time to know Julie here better on earth, but I am so grateful for the way the Lord has poured blessings into this situation. He is the Creator of the most beautiful love stories, and this is surely one. 

Today's Pinspiration:

This poem was chosen by Julie's sister Amy, and was read at the funeral. It will always make me think of Julie, how many people she loved and uplifted, and how full her dash was on earth. What an inspiration to us all!

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Thriving

It's been over 4 years now since I wrote this post after being told I have fibromyalgia. That was just a year and a half into our marriage, and was a really hard season. I was trying new prescriptions, some that would make me sick or make my heart race, and was completely exhausted. I remember laying down when I got home many nights until dinner, and going to bed early after dinner feeling like I had no quality of life. I remember going to church or running errands many times, and I laid down in the passenger seat because I was either dizzy from the medication or had a bad headache and needed to cover my eyes. I grieved a lot that year, when so many doctors told me this will never go away. I grieved for my young hubby who married a young wife, with an apparently OLD body.

Recently, I was spending time with the Lord and felt him telling me he's brought me through this battle for a reason: to help others. My goal for so long has been to help others - that was my major in college (family services), but maybe my area of helping people has shifted because of these challenges I've walked through. I still have fibromyalgia ya'll. Maybe some day I won't? But today, I still get some head pains (though they go away now, and I can usually use essential oils to help my neck relax before it progresses and gets worse), still have days with overall achiness, fatigue, and things like that, but my perspective has been changing. I have been surviving for these years. The last years of my 20's! I have pushed through each week, to get to the weekend to rest my body physically and emotionally, and do it again the next week. 

At the beginning of this year though, I told myself this would be a year that makes a difference. I want to start thriving in this life, rather than surviving. I want to enjoy the days of my life, and keep pushing myself to try new things to help. One thing I know I need to incorporate is exercise. I've also been researching other natural things to try, now that I got off all my prescriptions last fall. I can say, now that I'm off those meds, that my body feels cleaner, inside out. It used to feel complicated whenever I had symptoms - I never knew if it was me or a side effect from the medication. Now, I can see more cause and effect. I also can notice more of how foods I eat may impact my body, and how changing one thing may help. I thank the Lord for helping me get off them last year, and pray this year is a good year to find more relief RX free. 

I did start going to a new chiropractor a few weeks ago and have been so thankful! The team has been really great to help from a well rounded approach. We've talked about the fact that if they fix the physical things in my body that need aligned and start to stretch out my muscles, but I'm stressed all the time, I'm still likely going to feel sick. If I'm eating fast food for every meal, I'm likely not going to feel great. It's all a balance - I want to eat foods that support my body, take supplements and support my soft tissues in my body with essential oils, watch my stress and keep myself emotionally balanced. If any of those are out of whack, I'll feel it. Maybe you don't have what I have, but maybe this info will be a good reminder for you too? Many times in our lives, we try to eat whatever we have time for, not focus on our body's needs, and expect to feel great all of the time, and I've come to learn, it's not very realistic for many of us. 

Anyway, all this to say - this is a good year! I used to cry often, feeling like I didn't have a great outlook on my future (since I was told this likely will get worse and what not), and now I truly believe I have more control in this situation to help myself. The future is bright! It all depends on our perspective. We also have to keep trying, and not give up on something the Lord has set our hearts on. Getting off those RXs was a boost of confidence for me, and also made me research what to do to help my symptoms without those meds. 

What ways are you trying to thrive this year? You can do it! It starts with one step, and you'll feel so proud when you start on your journey to thrive. Let's do this, friends!

Today's Pinspiration:

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Time to BE You

Happy Saturday, friends! The sun is shining bright here, and I am so thankful:) Today, our topic for our blog hop is Time to BE You (it says January since I'm a week behind;)).

I think being US has gotten harder. I don't know if it's just me getting older, or the social media world taking over, but everyone else's life looks pretty great, right? Perfect family photos, delicious and healthy meals on the table, clean homes, beautifully decorated, etc. Surely they never deal with headaches, clutter, and bad hair days;). I think for many of us, we can feel a lot of discontentment with our own lives and just being US isn't so exciting, compared to what it seems like "everyone else" has. 

As I think of how we solve this, I really think it comes down to knowing our identity in Christ. Knowing who we were created to be, and resting in that. This is an area I want to grow in this year - reconnecting with who He made me to be, and feeling confident in that. We are enough! There seems to be so much comparison, and we know comparison is the thief of joy. Really think about that for a second. We may be content with and thankful for our job, then see someone else get a promotion, or a new job that all of the sudden, makes us feel like we aren't satisfied with what we have. That comparison can steal our joy so fast if we aren't careful.

I went to the eye doctor this week for a checkup and am getting glasses! I've been adjusting to this idea all week (really truly, grieving a little!), and am a little anxious to get them and get used to them. I keep looking back at this selfie I sent Nick when I picked out frames Tuesday, trying to get used to this face! I'm sure like everything else, I'll adjust to them after I give them some time:) 

Reflecting on this week and this topic today, I realize how absorbed I've been comparing my new glasses to photos of my friends and other people I look up to in their glasses. Trying to see if mine look like they "should", feeling self conscious about my frames choice, etc. If I hadn't looked at ANY of that, I'm sure I'd love my choice! Once I start looking at all of the others, I start to compare, and feel less confident about my own. This can happen so very easily today, in SO many areas of life. This discontentment can get a foothold on us and start to cause some major shifts. I'm going to try to recognize when I start to do that, stop myself, and speak words of truth and affirmation to myself. 

Here are some affirmations I found to use to encourage myself. Let's pull these into our self talk! Write them on our mirrors, tape to our desk. Send a friend a note, with these affirmations about them. How beautiful and uplifted will we feel, if we remind ourselves of these things when we feel discontentment creep into our minds?

God has a good and perfect plan for my life. (Jer. 29:11)

I love me. (Mark 12:31)

I am beautiful. (Gen. 1:27; Ps. 139:14; Eccl. 3:11) 

God has blessed me with all I need to fulfill his will for my life. (2 Peter 1:3) 

God loves me and I have his approval, and that is all that truly matters. (2 Tim. 2:15) 

In Jesus I have the victory; therefore, I cannot lose. (1 Cor. 15:57)

I will pray for change and not complain. (Ps. 37:8-9) 

Who can you uplift with some encouragement this week? 

Today's Pinspiration:

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Thinking Big{ger}

Hey friends! Happy Super Bowl Sunday! I'm watching the commercials as I work on this post during the game. Ha! I have a new blog hop post for you all - the topic is Think Bigger. 

It's easy - can be very easy really - to get lost in our little world. We can get consumed by the details, appointments, recipes planned for dinners this week, crossing everything off our list by the end of the day. It's easy with all of our responsibilities to keep blinders on, focused only on ourselves. To me, thinking big is reminding ourselves that for one, God is our Savior, that we are here on earth to glorify Him and fulfill the life He's given us. For two, to serve others. We never know what's going on in someone else's life. I think of this often at stores I go to - some people get so snappy with cashiers, etc., and I can't help but think - you don't know who she is, what may be going on in her life outside these doors. Maybe it's great! And that's great - but maybe it isn't. Either way, she deserves respect and kindness, even if you don't agree with her companies policy, or how fast she's checking people out. 



Basically, pausing to remind ourselves we serve out God and His people while we're here on earth. Trust me, I'm not perfect at this. I'm a pretty empathetic person, so I do think of how things make others feel fairly often, but it's easy to get so distracted in my own mind and not see it. 

Let's love our God and those around us! It's cliche, but how great could this world be, really truly, if we smile more to others, give ten compliments per day to people, PRAY for those we come in contact with, those we don't get to see as often as we'd like. Those people may in turn do the same, and we can make a difference with these simple things. Let's be aware of it this week! I'd love to hear in the comments, on Instagram, on Facebook, or commenting on this blog post, ways you like to do this, or ideas you have.

Psst- In case you missed them, I've posted some videos to the blog of how I use essential oils for tension related head pain & when I feel winter crud coming on. If you already have your oils, I hope these vids help you use them! If you don't have your oils yet, what are you waiting for?! ;)

Today's Pinspiration: 

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Fibromyalgia Update

Hey friends! I am actually excited about this fibro update - more than I ever have been to write one of these updates! After being diagnosed with fibro in March 2011, I have tried countless prescriptions (10+) and this spring, I found myself in a place where I was taking 6 prescriptions a day, still struggling with chronic headaches, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and just struggling still in general with the impacts of fibro on my life. 

I'm so thankful to say the Lord has brought me a long way this summer from that place and I can finally see and feel the hope of wellness around the bend and have made great progress. 

I'm down to just 1.5 pain pills a day now (2 prescriptions) to help with fibro. I've been taking 1/2 of a pill of one of them for two weeks to ease off of it and will take that away this weekend (YAY!). I hope to ease off my last pain prescription in the months to follow, though it's a stronger RX and I'm praying it will go well as I ease off. I feel so much more myself after being on pain meds for so long that have made me feel groggy, dizzy at times, super tired, feverish, out of body feelings, some have given me high blood pressure and all kinds of side effects. I feel like the scales have been peeled back and I'm ME again and it feels great. 

There are still days I have pain, rare headaches (I used to not have a moment without a headache, so this is huge!), and I still deal with chronic fatigue right now. I'm so thankful though and I think the path the Lord has brought me through has given me so much perspective in life - days I wake up and feel a little bit rested are such a gift after years never waking rested. I praise the Lord every morning for giving me the strength, energy, etc. for the day. I didn't praise Him for "simple" things like that before my fibro battle. 

Only God knows why we go through these things, but on this side coming out of it, I can see more clearly and am so thankful for this progress and perspective. I have a new goal to help others in their journeys to wellness - and in some cases, help encourage those wanting to find alternatives to prescriptions. Don't get me wrong, prescriptions certainly have their purpose and there are times we need them, but I'm so thankful to be heading in a direction not relying on them every day. 

What's helped? So many things have helped, friends, really. 

• So much prayer through this process. 
• Having a strong family and friend support system (thanks to my hubby especially!). 
• Changing what I eat to exclude dairy and gluten (I may continue on this journey or cleanse at some point to go deeper). Removing dairy from my diet especially has helped the IBS. I have learned to be careful and avoid certain foods (with too much fat, too greasy ,etc. my body can't handle well).
• Drinking water. I can allow myself to be dehydrated easily, and I really don't feel well when my water intake is low. I've been trying really hard (I'm not sure why it's so hard!) to keep this up. Flavored oils in my water help at times to add a little something to the water too. 
• Chiropractic care helped when I went this spring - I need to find a new chiropractor now. I also need to exercise - it's supposed to help a lot and I need to get myself on an exercise plan - even starting with yoga. 
• Connecting with a helpful naturopath helped point me in the right direction and did a thorough evaluation. She was even the one to point out, "You're taking ALL of these prescriptions, and you STILL have all of these chronic symptoms"... yes.. that was a moment of realization I needed to hear I wasn't headed where I was trying to go. 
• Essential oils have been giving me a great foundation this summer as I've decreased my prescriptions. I use some Young Living supplements, oils in the premium starter kit, and I'm been having fun trying new oils each month to help. I've been really blessed by Young Living's supplements and oils this summer! They've helped with pain, headaches, teeth grinding (I used to wake up with pain throughout my jaw and the sides of my face & temples every morning and now I don't - at all!), anxiety, and I'm sure there are others I'm leaving out. 

I praise the Lord for all of this progress, it feels great! Thank you to so many of you for your prayers over the years. I continue to lift it to the Lord and trust His plan for my life. 

Today's Pinspiration:
I can really relate to this sentiment. I'm so thankful to have gotten off so many RXs successfully so far and pray the remainder goes smoothly too. It's a big adjustment when my body has taken them for so long.

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A Week in Iowa

Nick and I made a trip to Iowa last week to be with family. As many of you may know, my beautiful (inside and out!) Aunt Melissa passed away after 6 tough months with aggressive cancer, so we were in town for her services, to see family. While we were in town, Nick's grandma passed away, so attended her services as well. It was an emotional week, but with family is where we needed to be. Heaven gained two hearts of gold. 

Here are some photos of the week in Iowa:

Typical midwestern beauty on our drive. 

The sunset from Aunt Melissa's - one of her favorite things. Out in the country where they live, the sunsets are breathtaking. 

My cousin Jenny and I enjoying the sunset. I wish I had photos with the rest of my cousins, but we didn't take those, darn it!

My dad gave the eulogy at Aunt Melissa's funeral and did such a great job. I'm so proud of you, dad! You put so much heart and soul into your words to honor your youngest sister, which you're always great with. You are truly one of a kind with such a beautiful heart (especially for your family :)) - we're all blessed to know you!

With all of the rain this season, the corn out back of Aunt Melissa & Uncle Tim's is crazy tall! I'm so thankful to have this man by my side through this journey in life. 

Once we were in town with Nick's side of the family for his grandma's services, we got to spend quality time with them too. We always love time with Hank! He's growing up so fast and is just the cutest. 

The church Nick's grandma and grandpa have attended for many years in Decorah, IA. Nick's parents were married here too.

From Decorah, we took Amber back to Des Moines to see her hubby Zach after being apart for over 2 months. It was fun to see this fam come back together and fun to see how excited Hank was to be reunited with his daddy. 

Another Iowa sunset on our way to Des Moines. 

Handsome boys!

My well dressed man. Did you know next week is our 5 year anniversary?! It's crazy. We've had some crazy 5 years, but I wouldn't want anyone else by my side through it all. Love you, babe!

Today's Pinspiration:

This poem was at Aunt Melissa's services, I really like it. We will miss Aunt Melissa and Grandma Kathryn dearly and wish we had more time with them. We know we will see them again someday, and I get teary picturing their bright smiling faces with our Healer in Heaven. I think they'd tell us to dry our tears and that they're ok and that all is well. 

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